Why the Past Can’t Move On

The title of this entry has more than one meaning for me, but both pertain to the subject of writing stories.

I’ve always loved to write.  I’ve kept a diary since I was nine and I’ve written stories since the fourth grade.  Granted, they weren’t always good, but I loved to do it nonetheless.  Even the part about reading my stories months or years later and making improvements.

Ooooold myspace logo. Now it’s “a place for music pirates and porn addicts.” :o(

Long story short, way back when MySpace was still popular over Facebook, I’d had a few Star Trek character profiles that I would RP (Role Play) with.  I would RP with others as well as just between my own characters.  I was part of a group of RPers we called “Omega” (with the symbol).  The stories we came up with were amazing — at least to us!  Battles with the Borg, character-based stories (my favourite to write), even mingling with the mirror universe a bit.  (Some characters did inter-programme RPing.  Star Trek with Star Wars, Doctor Who, X-Men, or Stargate were the ones I came across the most.  I only bothered to keep it Star Trek.)  I’d say most other RPers would write across a span of years, while I wrote in real time.  If I’d written something a week ago, it was a week ago in the story.  (But toward the end, I skipped about year for the sake of getting to a certain point.)

At first, my RPG (Role Playing Game) writing style was very skeletal and lacking.  However, as the months went on and I wrote more and RP’d with others, my RPG writing became more full, fluent, and robust.  (I went from one line interactions to “multi-para RPing.”)

Oh, and the stories!  I loved my characters as though I’d created them myself.  (Though I did create a few.)

Scarlett Pomers — one of my favourite pictures I used for Mara Wildman

OK, the intro was way longer than I’d intended, so let’s get to the point of this entry.

About a week ago, I turned on one of my old laptops to find that it decided to work again.  (Funny how technology can sometimes get sick and then heal itself.)  After having thought about them for the past couple of days, I found all those RPGs on that computer and started reading.  It was embarrassing in the beginning with the complete lack of complexities, but it got better quickly.  But even in the earlier stories, I would get so excited reading because of how much I loved writing them, developing the characters, and the evolution of the “big picture.”

To this day, there’s still a soft spot in my heart for Vorik.  He and my character Mara (rhymes with “Sara”) Wildman were my pride and joy.

I started thinking while reading that how I’d done the stories, Vorik should be going through his pon farr, like, now!  (Five years after the last story ended.)  I started thinking about what my characters might be up to now.  I don’t want to write any new stories, but I started writing down brief notes to update.  I did some research to decide that the ship Vorik and his family are on is the USS Magellan, galaxy class.  In my research, I was reminded of The Path to 2409.  I’d started reading it when Star Trek Online had just come out (though I haven’t had the chance to play yet), but it wasn’t finished.

As I was reading a summary of it, I realised that a majority of my stories could definitely not be canon.  (Though STO isn’t officially canon, I heard somewhere that it’s generally accepted as such.)  According to The Path, in 2385 “Starfleet Command decides to dismantle its Borg Task Force, believing the Borg threat to be minimal following the blow dealt to them by the USS Voyager on her way home.”  Most of my stories revolve around the Borg in some way, and the latter 2/3 of the stories depend on them!  It sort of makes me feel like that part of my life is truly, completely over.  Moving on sucks.

I thought about so much more I could write, like how reading The Path to 2409 made me feel, but that would be another whole entry in itself.

In closing, I’ll leave you with a link to all of these stories.  (Also, a link to a forum post where I shared the stories as questions may be answered in the comments.)  Thankfully, I’d saved everything before MySpace decided it was a good idea to delete most of my character profiles.  I uploaded them to a spare webpage a couple years later.  I honestly don’t expect anyone to actually read them, but I’m going to post it anyway.

Six Years After Voyager‘s Return

Forum post

P.S.  I’ve edited them many times since then, but haven’t uploaded any newer versions; so please ignore any spelling and grammar mistakes!

The Beauty of a Lost Civilisation

Anyone who is a fan of The Elder Scrolls video game series must know who I’m talking about.  Also known as Dwarves (though not actually shorter than the average person), these are the Dwemer (meaning “Deep Elves” or “People of the Deep”).  They’re only mentioned in Oblivion, and I haven’t played Morrowind where they first appeared, but the remnants of their society are abundant in Skyrim.

I just noticed that the round towers look similar to the tip of the Doctor’s old sonic screwdriver!

We got this game as soon as it came out, but I never paid much attention to the Dwemer until recently.  I finally started to notice how beautiful are their architecture and technology.  Though I hardly ever trod there, Markarth has become one of my favourite cities because it was established in beautiful Dwemer ruins.  Though my house in The Pale is where I call home, I’m grateful to have Vlindrel Hall.  Markarth is also where I found my husband, Moth.  (I’ve considered moving the family there, but Moth insists that the kids are doing wonderfully living off the land and they’ll be great warriors someday because of it.)

A display in the Dwemer Museum in Markarth.

I don’t know what I like so much about it.  Is it that it’s like steampunk?  Is it the gorgeous contrast of a gold-coloured metal against gray stone?  (I would call it gold, but gold ingots are separate from Dwarven metal ingots; and the Dwarven ingots are slightly more orange.)  Is it the fact that they were so technologically advanced compared to the rest of Tamriel, and even though they’re long gone no one else has caught up yet?  Is it the mystery of a long-forgotten (though not really forgotten) race?  Yeah.  Probably all of that.

Though I don’t remember where it’s located, this puzzle is the most beautiful piece of Dwemer technology I’ve come across in the whole game.

One thing I have learned about their disappearance is that they didn’t really die off.  All but one vanished into thin air simultaneously — sort of like the Ancients of Stargate.  The man that didn’t was granted eternal life, but was plagued with constant pain from the Corpus disease (the disease itself is a whole long story).

Last time I played, as I roamed Mzulft again (if I remember the location correctly), I thought that I could unofficially live there.  I noticed others had — bedding and tents in a few places.  Seems I’m not the only one who finds Dwemer ruins beautiful enough to live in — and beautiful enough to deal with the little shocking spiders and other such protectors of the ruins.  (Little buggers.  I prefer melee to ranged, but darn it, it hurts when they explode with electricity!)

The most beautiful views are among the ruins WAY underground.

Oh, Dwemer…  When the Doctor takes me away in the TARDIS, the first time/place I want to go is one of your cities when it was bustling with life!  You gorgeous people, you!

5 Facts About Chameleon Circuit

Not to steal the format of the palisadespete blog that I follow, which is always “10 Facts About” various subjects, but I didn’t feel like doing some long-winded blog about how I feel about one of my favourite bands. Since this is my first shot at a facts blog, I’m only going to make myself do five and see how it goes.

1. Chameleon Circuit was originally started by Alex Day, a YouTube vlogger and Whovian, back in 2008 after he did an online search for already existing Time Lord Rock (or “Trock”) music and found none. He was eventually joined by Charlie McDonnell, Liam Dryden, and Chris “Ginger Chris” Beattie.

2. Due to problems with their producer, the band was forced to release their self-named first album incomplete on 1 June, 2009 (15 days after I got married!), under the DFTBA Records label. (Nerdfighters! Yes!!!)

3. Beginning work on their second album, Still Got Legs, band member Chris Beattie left and in came Ed “Eddplant” Blann. Also to join was American Michael Aranda as producer, as well as bringing his many musical talents. This album was released in July 2011 and ended up hitting #23 on the charts in America.

4. A few months before they released their second album, they came across problems when Aranda was refused re-entry into the UK after a trip to France. After creating an online petition, they won Aranda’s re-entry for two weeks. Upon hearing of their predicament, the company Red Bull contacted the band and offered to pay their way into France so they could continue working on the album. As a thanks, the band performed at the company’s UK studio for Whovian employees before they released their second album.

5. The band was privileged to play in front of fans at VidCon 2011. VidCon was started by brothers John and Hank Green, most famous for their Vlogbrothers channel on YouTube. Hank is also co-founder of DFTBA Records. (“DFTBA” is an acronym for “Don’t Forget To Be Awesome,” a term coined by the Vlogbrothers.)

Whew! I did it! That wasn’t so painful after all… but I doubt I could have done ten, haha.

The Angels Take Manhattan

I hate spoilers with a passion. I avoid them at all costs, but thanks to stupid things like the Internet, I still find out things in the future of my favourite shows. So I’ve known what the outcome of the Doctor Who episode “The Angels Take Manhattan” would bring, but dang it Moffat! You didn’t have to make the way it happened so gosh-darn good!

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I’m not a crier. I don’t even think I cried when David Tennant’s Doctor regenerated (though I was very close). Of course, I really didn’t have the chance to cry because it ended with Matt Smith’s Doctor excited about the next adventure. (Oh, and by the way, I wrote a sort of blog entry after watching “The End of Time,” which I never posted anywhere. Note to self: find that document!)

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Oh, but Moffat, you conniving little sneak… you knew just where my soft spot is… and I cried like a baby.

Touché.

We Are Family

As you may have concluded from my last post, I had my Skyrim character marry the Orc Moth gro-Bagol again.  I didn’t just go right out and do it, though.  I still searched for the Nordic options Onmund and Erik.  However, I couldn’t find either of them.  Not finding Onmund was understandable because the College of Winterhold is a big place.  However, Erik wasn’t at the small inn in the tiny town of Rorikstead.  I went back many times and searched all over the town as well as the inn, but he was nowhere to be seen.  I finally assumed that he was probably killed by a dragon, or something, earlier in the game and went to find Moth in Understone Keep in Markarth.

Not *my* wedding, but an image I googled.

This time, I went to Radiant Raiment in Solitude to look for something more suitable to wear for the wedding.  The best thing I found was college robes, but with a circlet I actually really liked it as a medieval-type wedding dress.  (And I preferred the way it looked on me to fine clothes or anything else.)

College robes and the jade and sapphire circlet worn at the wedding.

I was done, for now.  I wasn’t quite ready to choose a second child to adopt, because I always want to be sure I make the right choice.  I was on my way to a dock, going through Windhelm, when I was stopped by Sofie, a girl selling flowers.  I asked about her parents and she said that her mother had died and her father was a Stormcloak soldier who hadn’t come home.  So, I bought some of her flowers and asked if I could adopt her.  She was so excited.  I gladly did so and she went to pack her things and said she’d meet me at our house.  I happily skipped off to finish my current quest, knowing that it was probably the best impromptu decision I’d made in the game.

Sofie, selling flowers in Windhelm.

Finally, my happy family is complete.  There’s me; my husband, Moth; my daughters, Dorthe and Sofie; and Dorthe’s little fox.  Not to mention my housecarls, the followers I’ve had (currently Kharjo the Khajiit), my bard (which, I wish a housecarl would actually hire a male bard because the female bards always sing out of tune!), and my outside animals.

Me on my horse with Kharjo looking on.
(Left to right:) Sofie and Dorthe

Please excuse the poor quality of the pictures I, personally, took.  I play on the xbox, so there’s no way to get actual screenshots.

Wood Elves Marry, Too…

I can’t believe that Skyrim has only been out for about ten-and-a-half months!  It seems like much longer.  Though I did take a break from it for a short while, the release of the add-ons has got me playing it a whole lot more again.  Hearthfire is the best 400MP ($4.99) I’ve ever spent!

I’ve known about the possibility of marriage in the game since it came out.  Though I did decide early on that I hoped to have my character marry a bard, I was never interested in it enough to pursue the goal of marriage until recently.  I mean, my daughter should have a father, right?

So, my decision to explore this part of the game was sparked in my quest with the Stormcloaks, after the battle in Whiterun when Jarl Ulfric was talking with Jarl Balgruuf.  I happened to notice Ralof there and thought he could be a good man for my character (probably what sparked the dream I had a few posts ago).  I figured that since he plays a big role in the game, he wouldn’t be “available,” and I was right.  (Though there is a mod that will allow you to marry NPCs that you normally can’t, but I didn’t feel like doing all that.  Ralof isn’t THAT worth it :oP.)

Ralof

I did start the quest, and kept my Amulet of Mara equipped while I did other quests in case I came across a possible good mate for my character, the Wood Elf, Amaryllis.  I got tired of that, and finally looked up all males in the game that are “marry-able.”  I’d already known about Argis, because he’s my housecarl in Markarth and expressed interest in me.  Even though he’s a bit freaky-looking, I kept him as a possibility because he’s a Nord with shoulder-length hair and a goatee.

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Argis the Bulwark

I also have really been wanting to become a Blood-Kin to the Orc people, because I’m so gosh darn curious as to what goes on in their strongholds.  I thought about the possibility of marrying an Orc to hopefully make that a piece of cake.  I did end up trying that, marrying Moth gro-Bagol, a blacksmith in Understone Keep. I wore my Arch Mage’s Robe for the ceremony and decided that we’d live in the home I built in The Pale, where Dorthe is anyway.  I was a Wood Elf married to an Orc with a Nord for a daughter, haha.  And a pet fox.  Can’t forget that pet fox.

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Moth gro-Bagol

After Moth made me Blood-Kin and I went to an Orc Stronghold, I realised that I had already mostly completed a quest to become Blood-Kin — I just had to talk to the guy to finish it off.  So, I loaded my saved game before Moth and Amaryllis got engaged and completed that quest again so I could be an Orc Blood-Kin and still get a Nordic husband.

I’m still considering to which Nord out of my three picks I would like Amaryllis to marry, but am now actually starting to miss Moth.  Hey, I’d already married the guy and had grown a bit attached to him in the few minutes that we were actually wed.

After finding this picture of Erik the Slayer (much different from previous one I’d seen), I think he’s my Nord choice, but I’ll still show you the third option I’d had for Amaryllis — Onmund, from the College of Winterhold.

Erik the Slayer
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Onmund

Though Erik is a great choice (buff Nord with a goatee and shoulder-length RED HAIR), I’m now torn between him and Moth.  For an Orc, Moth was very loving to Amaryllis whenever he spoke to her, which is what really brings this dilemma.  Call me girly if you will, but it’s almost like choosing between a guy you’ve dated who was really good to you and a guy that looks good and you know is really nice.  (His personality description says he “has a cheerful disposition, often commenting on stories of adventure while living in the house of your choice after marriage.”)  Whoa.  When you put it that way, I think that decides it…

I think I’m going to go find “the one who got away.”  Haha.

Comedians, Cars, and Coffee

Have you heard about this free new media service called Crackle?  I happened to randomly see a commercial for it when I just happened to be watching TV at my in-laws’ house a few weeks ago.  Since it’s free, I decided to check it out.  Yes, it’s free because it’s chock-full of commercials and whatever limited amount of shows and movies are in the app are only there for three months before they expire.  Also, only about 2% of the content is stuff that I would watch, so it’s not really worth it to me.

However…

I was introduced to this Crackle-exclusive show Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.  I love it!  It’s hosted by Jerry Seinfeld, who picks up a comedian to go have coffee and breakfast in a diner and hang out.  It’s always so much fun, even when it’s not quite so funny.  Each episode starts with shots of the car Jerry is driving this week and him talking about it.  (Don’t worry — though entertaining, that part only lasts maybe a minute.)  And the cars are always so pretty, too, even if they’re not actually great cars, haha.

Snapshot from the Ricky Gervais episode “Mad Man in a Death Machine.”

Sure, the average episode length is about ten minutes, and there aren’t many episodes (nine as of now, four when I started watching), but honestly it’s one of the highlights of my week.  I look forward to making myself a cup of coffee, sitting down in front of the TV or computer, and chilling with the comedians.  I like it a whole lot more than watching a stand-up routine, because with that I’m expecting the comedy and therefore it doesn’t quite “tickle my funny bone” as much as it could.  With this show, it’s pretty much the same as hanging out with funny friends.  You know they’re funny, but you’re not expecting the funny — you just have a good time and a great laugh!

Yes, there are a couple episodes I don’t particularly find funny (though I won’t mention which ones), but whenever one like that shows, I just go back and watch the episode with Ricky Gervais.  It’s my absolute favourite, and it never fails to make me laugh.

New episodes come out on Thursdays at 9pm Eastern Time.  It makes for a great start to my Friday. :o)


Long Promo From Crackle

Fandom Dreams

I woke up normally today and made Hubby his lunch before he left for work. After reading in bed for about 45 minutes, I was in a curl-up-in-a-ball mood. Naturally, I fell back asleep doing so completely under the covers. I woke up again at 11.30 (about four hours later), but not before having one of the best dreams I’ve had in a long time. It involved the video game Skyrim, the TV show Eureka, a bit of Thor, and of course real life.

I wasn’t actually *me* for most of the dream; just the real life and parade parts.


It started with me playing Skyrim, but I was my character instead of actually me playing. I came across an awesome half-sunken building (I don’t remember what the inside looked like, but the outside seemed Dwemer) in a huge pond that was waist deep. (This ended up being my house.) There was a male Nord character there with shoulder-length hair and a braid and when I spoke with him he mentioned my Amulet of Mara and I thought, “Finally! Someone who seems worthy to marry my character!” So they got married, and I had her tell him she wanted to be a mother, so they took care of that in the pond; this part was all completely hidden and more implied, like The Sims or even Fable without the noises. (What was weird was you needed four people to be able to get pregnant, but I just completely ignored those random characters that showed up.)

In the next part, I (still my Skyrim character) was in a Suburban-type vehicle with Allison, Fargo, and two other people (I think Henry and a mix of Carter and some old guy) from Eureka, and Allison and I were both very pregnant. We’d just stopped at a gas station and everyone got out while the driver (Carter) got the vehicle situated at the pump (big vehicle pulling a large trailer and pushing a small car). When he was finally done, I went to the pump since there were a lot of large surrounding objects, because for some reason part of me wanted to hide my pregnancy. Henry was closest to me and some kind of short conversation occurred, then my pregnancy came up and he asked what happened. It came out then. Apparently, I (still my Skyrim character) had had a boyfriend in Eureka and when he went missing (the word used in my dream, but he had died) I ran away to Skyrim and it was the next day that I’d found a husband there.

Another part of the dream, sadly forgotten, happened here that involving some guy being after me for some reason, I think involving the baby. I want to say the way he looked physically was most like a Dark Elf, but I’m not sure that he was a Skyrim character.

In the next part, still pregnant, I was at the top of a short cliff (about 50 feet or so), and a battle was going on below involving Nords. There was a lot of brush and trees at the bottom of the cliff and one dead, but hearty, branch lead up to the top. Suddenly, I saw my Nord husband climbing up, seemingly wounded but maybe just needing rescue. He could almost make it to the top, but he stopped and reached up his hand; the expression on his face was like he was going to die if he didn’t make it to the top. I reached back, when suddenly Thor was next to me, also reaching back and shouting, “Father!!” (It’s so funny thinking about that part because it’s like a cheesy movie where a guy is in agony because he can’t save his dad from drowning in an obviously shallow pool of water. It also wasn’t Odin; he just happened to be Thor’s dad.) Then, my thought was, “OMG, I married a king?!”

Next, it was fairly dark outside and a parade was going on. I (finally actually starting to be real me; it was like a short morphing process at this point) was just coming up to it and saw a couple advertising floats (I remember the giant inflatable Lowe’s logo). Then, I was part of the crowd, but we were moving and couldn’t even see the parade (or maybe I just didn’t care) and it seemed more like we were inside a blimp-like float. Hubby and I were sitting, talking to Fargo and someone else in front of us, there was a camera guy standing to my left, and Joe* (main sound man at our church back home) was walking around overseeing things. (Hmm… So maybe I was in the control room instead of the crowd.) In the conversation, something came up where we said we weren’t having kids. Not long afterwards, Hubby referred to Mark* and Steph* (our favourite couple friends) as something like “the keepers of our children” and Fargo was all confused and said, “I thought you guys didn’t want kids.” We laughed and I explained who Mark* and Steph* were and that we call their girls our kids. He didn’t get it, and you could tell by the goofy expression on his face.

*Real life names have been changed for protection purposes.


Sadly, that was the end of my awesome dream. If you didn’t think it was awesome, that doesn’t matter to me; I frickin’ loved it! Any dream that involves a lot of Skyrim… plus a Marvel character andthe TV programme I’m into at the moment… is alright with me!

Oh, and needless to say, but I’m going to anyway, I was really in the mood to play Skyrim today, which I did for maybe five hours. I didn’t find a suitable spouse for my character, but I bought land for a second build-able house and my daughter (Dorthe) brought home a pet fox. And I also defeated the Imperials… you know, in my spare time… ;o)

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This is not actually my character — just a picture I googled.

Days of Nothing

Disclaimer: I don’t have actual medical proof that my “nothing day” theory is true. It’s all simply from what seems to be true after my many experiences of this type.


Have you ever had one of those days when you feel nothing? Just nothing? You also know it’s just today so you don’t waste time thinking there’s no point to life.

Maybe you hang out with or talk to friends, but you feel nothing. Maybe you watch your favourite programme, but you feel nothing. Maybe you even smile and laugh, and mean it, but you just don’t feel it.

For me, today is one of those days. I’m not unhappy or depressed. There’s just no emotion. Like the limbic system (the parts in the brain that are mostly responsible for emotions) decided to take a day off, for the most part. (The hippocampus, in the limbic system, plays a big role in converting short-term memory into long-term memory, but that works just fine.) In this case, however, I know I’ll be just fine tomorrow. I know exactly what caused it.

When I was a teenager (in February of my high school senior year, to be precise), I discovered a link between days like this and recent “emotional overload,” you might call it. One day I would be at an extreme emotional high –usually over a crush or fandom over something–, and the next day I might feel nothing. I made the connection after learning why taking steroids has negative effects on the body. Steroids themselves aren’t bad; they’re a natural thing the body produces. However, when one takes steroids from other sources (especially synthetic ones), their brain realises that there’s too much and it slows, or even stops production. I figured that my brain must have realised there was too much going on in those few-and-far-between instances of that extreme emotional high, and therefore greatly slowed production of those hormones. Thankfully since it was my body that produced so much, it knows to start back up again.

Though my recent episode of that type of high was two days ago instead of yesterday, here I am, remembering why the heck this must have happened to me today. I love the show Doctor Who so much. I’ve been thinking about it a whole lot recently, mostly due to the addictive Trock band Chameleon Circuit. I swear, I only have to listen to them once and three weeks later I’m still waking up with their songs stuck in my head. Anyway, for some reason, I felt so obsessed with the show (especially the first season), even though I don’t think I watched a single episode all day. I did watch G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, which stars Christopher Eccleston, but that’s not Doctor Who.

As I’ve always done on the days I feel nothing, I tried all day to feel something using the thing that made me feel something in the first place. I watched Doctor Who, looked at Doctor Who pictures, and thought about Doctor Who all day, trying to get myself to feel it again. You know, just trying to make sure I’m still alive. But once I remembered why this happened… well, I couldn’t say I was relieved, because that’s an emotion, haha.

Now that the “nothing” day is winding down, I’m starting to get some feeling back in my limbic system. I actually kinda meant that “haha” up there, haha. Ooh, and that one, too!

Good-night, Doctor Who. I think I’ll take an emotional break from you for a little while… and get some actual work done. Haha! :o) (Don’t worry… I’m still going to watch the new episodes as they come out.)